Humans have a habit of creating a false self. We love to pretend that we don’t have the faults, weaknesses, and pain that we really have. In order to get others to value us we construct a false self that we think they will like. A false self can also stem from pride or the desire to control. Thus, even if you are overcoming shame and self-rejection you can still give in to the temptation of hosting a false self.
A very common false self for those who have been believers for some time is a false self that appears more Christlike than they really are, usually created by them in order to gain honor from other Christians. This is a religious false self, and it can grow very secretly. We are naturally inclined to present ourselves as more whole than we really are, so we need to consciously resist this temptation. A religious false self must be ruthlessly eradicated because it imprisons and neutralizes us. Probe your heart, consider the words you speak, ask yourself if others sense humility and vulnerability in you and get advice from someone who is around you.
Another example of a false self is one that displays our preferred feelings (for example, always smiling) instead of our true feelings. We might not allow our nonverbal expressions to show our true range of emotions. We might get in the habit of not mentioning things that hurt us in close relationships. Another false self trait is not being honest with others about our ideas and beliefs. We might project a compliant false self by not speaking up about statements or actions that we think are wrong, especially if they come from leaders. Another trait is pretending we don’t need help or encouragement when we do. Another false self pattern is covering up our insecurity with introversion; sometimes this leads others to think that our silence is a sign of wisdom or maturity.
God wants us to abandon all this falseness and learn to build authentic relationships.
Reflection Questions:
- In what ways do I cover up my true self with a false self in my relationship with myself, with others and with God?
- How has my upbringing and other past experiences influenced me to create a false self?
