Scripture instructs us to do something we do not like to do: admonish our brothers and sisters. Admonish means to warn or correct someone. Galatians 6:1 instructs us: “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path” (NLT). Colossians 3:16 states: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom” (ESV). Paul said to the Ephesians that he “did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears” (Acts 20:31, ESV). He also told the Colossians: “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ” (Col. 1:28, ESV). (See also 1 Thess. 5:12, 14; 2 Thess. 3:15.)
Considering the biblical passages about admonishing others, we need to take advantage of opportunities to provide direction. If there is a possibility that the other is receptive, shouldn’t we offer some words of truth, point out something harmful about their words or actions, or give some guidance for the future? Despite the oft-repeated advice that “we shouldn’t try to fix someone”, is it really an act of kindness to leave someone in distress and not offer direction if there is a possibility they may receive it? Do we honor God by silence?
If someone is opposed to advice, are they not choosing to embrace self-dependence instead of mutual interdependence? Obviously, there are situations like the recent death of a loved one where sympathy and consolation are the only appropriate responses at the time. And if we know that someone will not receive advice then we should not try to give it. But it is better to be “speaking the truth in love” so that “we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Eph. 4:15, ESV).
If we truly care about someone wouldn’t it be compassionate to consider whether there is some root issue that we could gently suggest for them to consider? If we love someone isn’t it better to point out a fault or weakness that is harming them or others. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Prov. 27:6, NIV). Would Jesus listen to someone’s distress and simply sympathize and say no more, or say something just to soothe the surface pain? Psychologist Larry Crabb puts it this way: “To see nothing more destructive to the human soul lying beneath pain is cruel, and to see no greater good than relief from pain is diabolical. It’s a response from hell. It keeps us preoccupied with ourselves and no closer to God.”[1]
It is easy to justify avoidance of certain difficult conversations where we might need to speak a painful truth by telling ourselves that we want to be humble, or that we don’t want to “judge” someone, or damage unity. But in fact, we are not being kind or humble. The truth is that we are letting our fear of conflict or rejection guide our actions and avoiding our responsibility before God.
Not only should we correct friends or those under our leadership but there are times that we need to gently point out faults in friends, colleagues or co-workers. The more destructive their faults are and the closer the relationship, the greater our duty to say something. Of course, we should speak with humility and gentleness. Maturity includes learning how to wisely draw attention to the destructive words, viewing habits, eating habits, harmful attitudes and the neglect of spiritual practices of those we know. The root issue is whether we will honor God more than we will honor people.
Our desire for human approval should never override our duty to honor God by speaking out. In congregations all the believers are responsible to speak out against destructive behavior by the leaders as well as brothers and sisters in their sphere of influence. Sometimes our silence blocks God’s kingdom just as much as spoken falsehoods. Many people are hurt in congregations because others have not spoken out against harmful actions in the past which are still hurting people. Leaders are allowed to continue with harmful ways because longtime believers they avoid admonishing leaders.
[1] Larry Crabb, SoulTalk: The Language God Longs for us to Speak (Nashville: Integrity, 2003), 148. We highly recommend this book.
