With respect to honesty with others, Scripture teaches that we are to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor” (Eph. 4:25, NIV). At deacon-level maturity (1 Timothy 3; Titus 1) we should be able to avoid speaking anything that is plainly false. But we should also avoid all forms of deception, including misleading people by omitting information, and misleading people through silence.
Honesty is a greater challenge when it comes to pointing out an uncomfortable truth that others are ignoring, which is important for moving towards elder-level maturity. For example, if someone we are close to or have responsibility for is harming others or themselves with attitudes, words or actions then do we not have a duty before God to say something? “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6, ESV).
If someone is turning away from God then we follow the wisdom in James 5:19-20: “If one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (NIV). (See also 2 Thess. 3:14-15.)
And if someone we know well is harming us or our relationship then shouldn’t we speak up? Isn’t the quality of our relationship and the well-being of our friend more important than the discomfort of the conversation we need to have?
Sometimes we need to speak up even when there is no intention to harm. For example, if our congregation or ministry is having a problem then we need to speak the truth and point out the negligence. Groups tend to ignore uncomfortable root issues or adopt low-pain solutions that have little hope of success. Silence displeases God and hurts people.
Our challenge is knowing how to be diplomatic and kind when we point out faults. We can do this by pointing out whatever is still good about the situation, complementing others’ motives, acknowledging and affirming the distress that people are feeling, then gently speaking the truth in the form of a question. This is “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15, ESV).
No matter how gentle and encouraging you are, you may still be rejected. You may have fewer people to teach or pastor. That is just part of the cost of following Jesus who was killed for speaking truth. Rejoice, and join with Paul in saying that this happens so “that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death” (Phil. 3:10, ESV). This is a badge of being a disciple of Jesus.
