Discernment is an extremely important skill for spiritual growth. God wants us to constantly discern our world so that we can keep pursuing him. Discernment means being able to distinguish between the influences of God, ourselves, the Enemy and others. Scripture also presents it as the ability to distinguish good and bad (Heb. 5:14). Discernment is our inner navigator on the path of growth. Paul prays for the Philippians: “It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ” (Phil. 1:9-10, ESV). Thus, knowledge and discernment are needed if our love is to grow, which is the essence of maturity. Notice that Paul says “all” discernment. Furthermore, discernment allows us to approve and embrace what is good which leads to holiness. Why is that important to us? Because the day of the Bridegroom’s return is coming and we want to be pure for joining to him on that day.
Discernment was possibly the most coveted virtue in the ancient church among those who fervently sought God because they knew how valuable it was for spiritual growth. John Cassian quotes a certain Abba Moses as saying “Discernment is the mother, the guardian, and the guide of all the virtues.”[1] That quote comes at the end of a debate among desert fathers over which virtue or practice would most lead one to God, and Anthony the Great had declared that discernment “above all else, leads us to God.”[2] They knew that discernment was challenging and fraught with pitfalls. Both the Enemy and their own souls could easily mislead them, even after years of fervently following Jesus.
One of the principal benefits of practicing discernment is avoiding harmful future choices. If we apply discernment to something we did and decide that it was not godly then it is clear that we can avoid further damage by avoiding that choice in the future. This is essential for healthy intimate relationships. For example, if we humbly apply discernment to some questionable words we spoke to our spouse and realize that they were harmful then we can commit ourselves to avoiding those words in the future. This is why it is very important to decide whether our actions are good or bad; if we avoid discernment and convince ourselves that our harmful action was justified then we will allow ourselves to repeat it in the future. This creates an unsafe environment for our spouse (or child, or parent, or coworker, or friend or anyone around us!)
Refusing to discern our actions wreaks havoc on relationships. If anyone tries to counsel you that it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong then it is probably best to find another counselor. Your heart knows that you need to determine if you were wrong or not, and that in other situations you need to determine if your spouse’s actions were wrong or not. Determining who was right or wrong helps the victim know that the offender recognizes the wrong and therefore will make an effort to avoid it in the future. Otherwise, the victim needs to keep bracing themselves for future pain which squelches the relationship.
And if we are to forgive offenses against us we first need to recognize that they were wrong, then we can truly forgive and not rationalize the offender’s actions. This is a surprisingly common hurdle to deep forgiveness, especially when the offense came when we were a child and we couldn’t fully understand that an adult could be so wrong.
Next week, part two of discernment: Christians should judge?
[1] John Cassian, Conferences, trans. Colm Luibheid, Classics of Western Spirituality (New York: Paulist Press, 1985), 64. (Conference 2, chapter 4.) John’s first two conferences are classics in Christian discernment.
[2] Cassian, Conferences, 62. (Conference 2, chapter 2.)
