So far in this series we have looked at four ways for developing close spiritual friends: bearing burdens, using spiritual gifts, building one another up, and encouragement. Today we look at two more: comfort and intentionality.
II Cor. 11:4 teaches us: “[God] comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (ESV) It is interesting that the Greek word for comfort is the same word used to describe that Holy Spirit as a comforter, paraklētos. Thus, believers have the role of doing the work of the Holy Spirit toward each other. All comfort comes from God and we are to be the channels. Paraklētos can also mean exhort or urge and this is how it is used in other passages. Thus, we are to comfort, exhort and urge another.
Consider how helpful it would be to experience this once a week. Sunday services don’t usually provide a setting for this, although it does happen some. What we really need is a small group where we there is time and privacy to let others know where we need comfort, and to let others comfort us. This is where intentionality comes in.
If you’ve been in a small group you may have noticed that it is very easy to not do these things. It is much easier to go through a lesson, or to just talk about everyday things and not really get down to what people are going through. That requires vulnerability and in order to make that happen the leader has to be very intentional, sensitive and courageous. Fear usually prevents this from happening.
Therefore, make every effort to find or create a group, or at least build one friendship where you can truly comfort each other and do all the things mentioned in this blog series on spiritual friendships. It may take awhile but it is worth it. Then each time you meet be very intentional about inviting each member to share anything that is hurting or burdening them. Then give time for others to comfort them.
Remember too that this is much easier in groups where everyone has already acknowledged they have a problem like alcohol or pornography. I refer to this as “distress discipleship”. These groups often experience deep fellowship because they are desperate. But when those people begin feeling a lot less distress, notice that they are much less motivated to find groups for higher maturity. People want to get out of their pain, but not necessarily go on to more challenges.
However, when people pursue discipleship when not in great distress or desperation I refer to this as “non-distressed discipleship”. Resistance to non-distressed discipleship is one of the problems we face when looking for spiritual friendship because it is harder to find people who have the desire. When people become comfortable it is hard to get them to forge ahead into something that may not be comfortable.
But I will comfort you by saying you shouldn’t give up on finding a deep fellowship group, or at least one spiritual friend. Ask God for guidance and for moving people’s hearts. Take your time, consider who you might ask, carefully decide how you will present it and then start asking people. Make a short list of what you want in a group. Then go to someone and just ask them if they would want to explore it. Ask several people and see what happens.
