Empathy is one of the most valuable qualities of a disciple of Jesus. Empathy goes to the very heart of Christianity. The supreme act of empathy was the incarnation. God chose to identify with us, put himself “in our shoes”, by becoming a human. He became what we were so we could become the full image of what he is. He did this by choosing to experience the same troubles, pain and suffering that we do. Even more, he allowed himself to be crucified to take the responsibility for our sins. If God is willing to be that empathetic for us shouldn’t we become known for our empathy for others?
Empathy means training ourselves to stop our thoughts about ourselves and focus on where the other is coming from. It means being willing to consider the challenges and pain the other has faced or is facing. Or maybe just making the effort to understand whatever emotions and thoughts they are experiencing. From there we can better love them (and love God) and fulfill the Great Commandment.
Consider how you are impacted when someone can name your feelings while you talk with them, especially if it seems they are experiencing a little of what you feel. This assures you that they are listening and that they are connected to you to some degree. Thus, it is important to develop the habit of learning to discern someone’s feelings and putting them into words even before they have specifically mentioned the feelings. This shows sympathy. Empathy goes one step further. If we can feel some of what they are feeling, usually based on our own experiences, and express this somehow, then they know that you have a bond with them. Empathy is probably the most powerful way to connect with someone through words. Exposing feelings creates vulnerability, which is an invitation to the other to believe that we value the relationship and their feelings, regardless of what feelings they have.
How do we do empathy? Restate the emotions they have mentioned or express emotions they have not mentioned but appear to be feeling so that they know we care about their heart and know something of what they have experienced. If they are describing a painful experience then perhaps we can say: “I’m sorry that happened to you” and “that would be very painful.” Simple deductions such as: “you must be discouraged” or “you must be a little depressed” or “you must have been angry” can be helpful. Other examples are: “that would be so frustrating” or “I would feel sad” or “I would feel fearful” or “I would be shocked.” Even if you are wrong, it is clear that you are trying and often they will tell you what they are actually feeling.
In this way, we can draw people into God’s realm and strengthen our bonds with our Christian brothers and sisters which is valuable fruit in God’s eternal community of love.
