A Vision For Community – Teaching Relationships In Our Churches And Schools

Since Christianity is a relational faith and since Jesus said loving God and others are the greatest commandments it would make sense for churches and schools to teach classes focused on building healthy relationships. Many churches have classes for healthy marriages which is great, but what is needed even more is teaching on all types of relationships.

Christians should become masters of relating to co-workers, neighbors, authorities, new acquaintances as well as friends and relatives. Christians should become skilled at saying the right thing at the right time. We should know how to speak words that resolve conflict and encourage others. People should remember us as someone who brings good things into their lives.

Here are some ideas for creating a curriculum for building relationship relationships. Five areas of study could be:

1. Biblical teachings on relationships. Students would study the various biblical passages on relationships. Key passages would include the Sermon on the Mount, Romans 12, I Corinthians 12-14, Ephesians 4, and Colossians 3.
2. Interpersonal communication. Students would learn about the various types of communication and how it impacts people. They would learn about ways of communicating that would have a strong positive impact on people. For example, students would learn to smile, lean into people when greeting someone, empathize, speak words that value another, and do reflective listening.
3. Group dynamics. Students would learn about healthy and unhealthy group function. All churches are group so group dynamics are critical for healthy churches. Small groups especially need to develop atmospheres of safety where people can express fears and expectations, disagreement and conflict, and develop coherence while respecting everyone’s ideas. A good book on this is Marianne Schneider Corey, Gerald Corey, and Cindy Corey, Groups, Process, and Practice, 9th ed., (Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, 2014)
4. Psychological studies of relationships. Many psychological studies directly support Christian teaching on relationship. Students would look at studies on forgiveness, vulnerability and empathy as well as others. Also, well supported theories like attachment theory would be explored.
5. Healing of memories. Students would learn how to actually take someone through the steps of healing memories that keep people from maturing. There is a chapter on this titled “Step by Step Guide to Forgiving Someone” in my book Flourish.

If believers actually became proficient at relationships, i.e. actively loving people to impact them, I believe we would see a growth in Christianity in many areas where it seems to be in decline. This would mean many pastors would themselves have to decide to learn how to do relationships well and transition from being primarily teachers to being lovers of people.

How much impact could Christians have if colleges and seminaries required two full courses on relationships? Then the biblical vision of believers becoming one and lighting up the world would be closer to reality.

So I challenge you to consider advocating for relationship curriculum in your church or school. What can you do to help make that happen? If you are a leader are you willing to put together a curriculum?

I would love to hear your ideas about teaching Christians about relationships. You are invited to leave your comments below. What do you think of the ideas in this article? What ideas do you have? What curriculums have you been through if any? What needs do you see in the Body of Christ for better relationships? How have you been impacted by Christians who were good at relationships?