Many of us have at least one challenging relationship in our life. It hurts and we find ourselves asking, How can I improve my relationship?
Most of what Jesus taught is connected to relationships. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. This is the foundation and end of spiritual growth. Relationships are the most important element of Christianity! This means we should learn to master relationships and how to love people. Thus, relationship difficulties are our biggest testing ground and our biggest growth opportunity. We will look at 12 keys to dealing with the difficulties we have in relationships.
KEY ONE: Know your weaknesses.
We all have relationship weaknesses. If we can be honest about them we will be able to take them into account when confronting a relationship difficulty. Be aware of your patterns and how they affect people. Be aware of the actual words you speak and how the other person interprets them. Be aware of your own faults and how those affect the other person. I think everyone leans toward one or two disorders such as depression, chronic anger, bipolar, anxiety/fear, addiction etc. If you are not sure then try finding a professional counselor who will give you the MMPI test. This will give you a good idea of your weaknesses. If you are not honest about your weaknesses, and if you are not working on them then how do you know how much of the difficulty is your fault?
KEY TWO: Know the other person’s weaknesses.
This is usually easier for us than the first key! Don’t overestimate their weaknesses or underestimate their weaknesses. Try to actually figure out what patterns they have and what disorder they lean towards. Study those patterns, do research, learn what helps people with those patterns, have compassion for them and determine to apply what you’ve learned when you interact with the other. What do they struggle with? How does their mood fluctuate? Are they generally happy? And if you can, try to learn about their upbringing and how they were influenced by parents and others. How was their experience different from yours? What disadvantages did they have? What wisdom did they not learn that you did?
KEY THREE: Pray
Take time to present your situation to God. Tell Him you depend on Him for help and strength and you surrender yourself and this situation to Him. Then present your thoughts and talk things over with God. Put yourself in a listening mode. Mull things over with God. This is what we see in the Psalms, which can be a good source for words if you can’t think of the words. Tell Him your feelings and your desires. When presenting this to God you can pray something like this: “God, this and this and this is happening, I don’t understand” or “I don’t know what to do” or “How can I improve my relationship.” Also, “What is this person feeling? What is their motivation? What are their beliefs?” Allow some times of silence. You can pray “I need your strength, please give me insights and wisdom as I work through this.”
If you pursue these three practices you will have much more insight into what is happening in your relationship. This will allow you to develop a better plan for improving it. You can find better answers when you ask, How can I improve my relationship?
In your challenging relationship, have you spent time trying to understand your weaknesses and the background of the other person?
Next week we will continue with “How can I improve my relationship” by looking at influence, finding help and expressing empathy.
