Today we continue with our big question, how can I improve my relationship? In the first post we looked at the importance of knowing each other’s weaknesses and prayer. In the second post in this series we looked at being an influencer, finding good counsel and learning to listen and empathize.
KEY 7: Be courageous.
One of the big reasons we don’t tackle relationship difficulties is that we are afraid. We are afraid of conflict, we are afraid of getting hurt, we are afraid of doing it wrong, etcetera. In order to combat this, ask yourself if you are afraid. Then ask yourself if the fear is really as big as you think. Then ask yourself if that fear should really stop you from tackling a difficulty. Is it worth some discomfort to improve a relationship?
The antidote to fear is faith. Trust God to help you and to help you learn. Trust the advice you have gathered. Trust the fact that your heart is in the right place, and if you express true kindness, then nearly everyone will respond well. Remember that, like you, the other is probably asking, how can I improve my relationship? They will appreciate your effort to have a better relationship with them.
KEY 8: Grow your sensitive communication skills.
When someone is talking to you about a sensitive topic what skills do you appreciate when they communicate? Use those same skills when asking yourself, how can I improve my relationship with this person? An important example of this is communicating our heart. So often conversations don’t go well because we haven’t actually communicated our heart. Somehow let them know what your heart for them is. Let them know you care even if you disagree. Let them know you want a good relationship with them. And be diplomatic about explaining your disagreements.
KEY 9: “RACE” to win your challenging conversations.
As mentioned in the second post on this topic, show that you are not being selfish by carefully listening to them. Then prove that you are truly listening by the way you respond. Try to use the “RACE” system of responding: Restate, Agree, Complement, Empathize. Restate what you think they said but in your own words. Agree with whatever is valid in what they say; “I agree that we need a better system for that.” Complement them for good intentions; “I appreciate that you have spent time trying to figure out a solution.” Empathize (mentioned in the second post); “I know this is a difficult problem.”
When the time comes to express your thoughts on a sensitive matter remember to ask questions as much as possible. This tells the listener you are interested in their thoughts, and that you trust them to be somewhat reasonable. It also keeps them from being defensive about your statements.
So the questions are: are you overcoming fear and talking about important matters; are you gaining more sensitive conversation skills; and, in your sensitive conversations are you using the RACE ideas: restate their words, agree with them in some way, complement them and express empathy.
Next time we will continue with our question, how can I improve my relationship?
