It is inevitable that we will do or experience things that contradict what we believe to be good or valuable, whether these beliefs come from our conscience or somewhere else. When this happens we have a sense of guilt, although this sense can be dim or even completely buried. This contradiction, or violation then produces a sense of dishonor, disgrace or inadequacy. This is shame.
Shame easily becomes self-rejection when we let the sense of sense of dishonor, disgrace or inadequacy become a firm belief about ourselves. Self-rejection means that you have decided that you or part of you is devalued. The longer you live with shame the more likely it will become self-rejection. Self-rejection is self-destruction. In other words, if you don’t deal with your shame in the healthy and loving way God intends, then you will be damaged and crippled in that area.
Self-rejection is opposition to God. Self-rejection is self-condemnation, but “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1, NIV). “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one” (Rom. 8:33-34, NIV). If God does not condemn us and no one else is permitted to condemn us, then is it okay to condemn ourselves? “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:31, NIV). Is it okay to be against ourselves if God isn’t? Instead, we can join with the Apostle Paul who said “I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Cor. 12:9).
We usually grow up hiding our weaknesses and shame from others. We create a false self that we hope will gain approval and valuation from others. We hope to use the false self to gain acceptance from others in order to cancel out any self-rejection. We may even convince ourselves that our false self is our true self. But since we display a false self, others never get to know our true self. Thus, we never develop authentic relationships because no one knows who we are; they only know a fictional person. Since happiness only springs from healthy relationships, we can never be happy because we never have a healthy relationship. This includes our relationship with God. The degree to which we present a false self to God is the degree to which we cannot develop a healthy life-giving relationship with God. This will cause tremendous frustration or sadness in our Christian life.
Your belief that you aren’t worth very much contradicts what God says about you. He says you are His child, beloved, chosen by Him, and citizen of the Kingdom of God, among many other labels. Also, our true self is a new Adam which is united with Christ and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. We are destined for the perfect community of love with God and his followers. Shouldn’t we believe the same things about ourselves that our Heavenly Father does? Shouldn’t we see ourselves as God does?
I believe that self-rejection is one of Satan’s two favorite tools for damaging believers. (The other one is unforgiveness of others.) Put yourself in Satan’s shoes. How would you try to damage a believer who was sincerely following Jesus? Wouldn’t it be ideal if you could secretly get them to reject all or part of themselves so that they could never really trust God enough to let his Spirit produce joy and peace in their life? They wouldn’t be able to experience the new life that comes from partaking in the goodness of God.
Therefore, it is critical to recieve God’s holiness in place of your shame. Believe the Scripture quoted above for yourself. In the next post we will look at practical ways to overcome self-rejection.
